Unexpected Changes

So, after 20 Kilos down, I have noticed some changes in my body and soul. Some changes I have expected, as this is not the first time I lose weight.  I am aiming though that this is the last time I fluctuate 30+ kilos!
Some of the things I have noticed has been rather unexpected as I had forgotten how it was not having all that weight on me. As the weight comes creeping up, I did not think about all the things changing until now, when they are reversing again.
So here will come a list of some unexpected changes!

1. Not waking up as one swollen ball. I used to wake up every single day, with this puffy huge face, with eyes small and swollen like nothing else. I just thought of it as something that happens when you get older. Makeup was a necessity!  A Few weeks ago though, I realized that my face no longer looked like this. Eyelids were not hanging over the eyes and forehead and cheeks was not doubled in size.
I am not sure why, but I would expect that the snoring has something to do with it. The fact that I am not suffering from a shortage of air, is probably one reason. Water retention is probably as well. Permanent inflammation, which you have when obese is decreasing as well, and that probably helps out too! 

2. Changing all my facemasks! This is a bit funny one, and it has been quite unexpected. The other day, I was so annoyed on my facemask as it kept falling off my nose, or slipping down on my chin. I realized it was because my face has slimmed down and the mask has not as much meat to rest on 😀 

3. Better personal hygiene. This is quite personal, but I think it is important to look at. When you are really big, there are some leakages in private areas happening. I did not realize it was due to extra pressure on the bladder. I have had really easy for infections and irritations in this area, as it has been really squeezed together and just not airy enough. The other day, I realize that no itching, smelling, or irritation has been happening for a long time. I also learned that blood circulation, helps the area to keep healthy. So has been such a positive change. No need feeling uncomfortable about BO or things like this. 

4. Less need for medication! This is so amazing, I did know that medication for physical issues, could be reduced once losing weight. I am suffering from some mental impairment and taking medication for that. I have really drastically lowered my levels though. I really take the minimum doses right now. This I did not expect at all. Why is it like this? I really do not know.

I will probably find out more, interesting and surprising changes, as I am still not done with this part of my life.

7 Months and 20 Kilos!

I need to figure out how WordPress work, as I have mentioned, this is not my first time having a blog, but it was really long time ago and the layout and how WordPress works are all new.
Ok truth to be told, I probably did not really understand how it worked in the past either. I have not been really interested in learning things, but still expecting to get top results as IF I knew what I was doing.
Of topic! 😀

Today marks the 7th month in my health/weight/life Journey. 7 months of grinding and working to get to my goal.
I do not think people understand how hard it can be at times. I have never had a good regimen with anything. The notion that fat people are lazy and over eat has been true in my case.
You want that second plate, or third… HAVE IT!
You had a cake yesterday, well it is OK, have another one!
You do not want to go for a walk, or move, then do not! Why should you do anything that is against what you want? It is not healthy!

Well, at least for me, this mindset has not been healthy. I gained weight over the years, like no ones business and I have never been as heavy before. This is NOT health. To overindulge and stuff myself with anything that came along.
I vividly remember a birthday party, February this year, and I ate for 2 hours straight. Ate, ate and ate.
Finger food mind me, but 2 hours of finger food is a lot. So from practically not doing anything, I decided that this was enough.
I was scared I would not wake up, the sore and swollen uvula, told me about a sleeping regimen that was not good. My dark eyes around my eye told on me as well.

7 months ago, more or less today, I started this. In my mind, I would have 10 sessions with a PT and that would be it. I am laughing about my own stupidity. Years of mistreat and bad habits, would be overwritten by 10 sessions with a PT? It is a bit gullible.

I tried a girl at first, but she just did not do it for me, she probably saw the size I was in, and thought it would be better not to go hard on me. But not going hard on me, is what I have done forever, so I really needed the opposite. My second one I stayed with, at times I was so angry that he did not understand how heavy I was, as some of the things I just physically could not do, it felt like the joints or muscles would tare. But he kicked me, and that is what I needed.
I got a nutritionist as well, that helped me to get reminded about what food is for. I have since astrayed from this way of eating, only clean and 5 ingredients, and excluding food groups, as I think this is not healthy either. It did help me, to regain some control of myself though.

Slowly but surely, have I lost the kilos. I remember my second weigh in, where I was just so angry and disappointed. I started at 113.9 kilos, with my second trainer I had already lost 2 kilos so heaviest was 116, and on my second weigh in I was 111, such a failure! I thought then, not anymore.
I had expected to lose 10 kilos, and be half done with what I was set up to do, this is 1 month into my life journey. It is interesting how we expect so unrealistic results.
Many times did I not want to continue, mostly as the scale went down so slow. I am so proud of myself though, that I never did! Really few times, have I not done what goal I set myself, which being queen of procrastination and giving up, I am so freaking proud!

Having gone to the gym, pool, running, home workouts, yoga, hiking, I have made more than a dent in the numbers by now. Everyday is a new commitment to the Manka I want to be, and almost everyday have I completed it.
Before I started to write this post, I felt a bit disappointed at me, for not having lost more faster, but as I am writing is I realize how good it is! How amazing I have done!
I have worked on my relationship with food and activities, on my relationship with myself and how I react to things, as I do not want this to happen again. Regaining and then plus some.
I am not done with the work, and I still got a long way to go, but I am on the bloody road at least, and I am walking it. It is pretty amazing!

20 Kilos is not, nothing! It is something!!

The Month Has Come to an End

So, November month is over. We celebrated 1st of December yesterday. I like to make a little review from the passed month and get myself a new intentional plan.
If there is something I am learning is that without a plan in action, I do nothing. I cannot just do things if there is not a plan set. It is kind of a revelation, as I thought I was a woman in action. Buuuuut No.
There are too many other options out there that distracts me and I fall for them, all the time.
My head is already full of things and I think I suffer from decision fatigue, so this is the way I have managed to get things and I will keep it.
So.
November, has been both a hard and easy month.
Easy in the sense that the work-outs I am doing is really starting to bare fruit. I am noticing nice results and I can feel after each training that I have progressed.
Hard in the sense, that to find the motivation, in the dark and cold is really hard to work with. Not even the motivation, the determination. I just feel like I want to watch a movie and drink coffee all evenings long. Just the fact that evenings starts already at the afternoon now, at 5pm it’s pitch black.

I had as a goal to walk 1 hour a day during day light.
Did not manage. I just did not want to wake up. I have been walking every day, on average 1.56 hours but not in day light. I walked less than during October, but I am quite OK with this anyhow as the darkness and cold is quite overwhelming this year.
Work out 5-6 days apart of walking.
Did not manage again as I just want to drink coffee and sleep. I did 4-5 times which is OK but I think that a solid 5 should be better to have. It has been hard too, as neither are the pools, nor gyms open and in wet cold weather it is getting harder for me.
Add 30 min daily for self development activity, or enriching skills I already have.
Hahaha. Did not happened at all. I have done maybe 30 min per week. I just did not plan enough around this. I totally did not.

A lot of it has been me blaming the weather, mood, temperature. But it is just that, I blame something. I need to stop this pattern of blaming. If I want something, well then I just need to do it. No one will come and give it to me, and honestly I would not want it anyhow, not anymore.
I just need to focus, and do it. Hence the lists. I have started with daily lists of what to do, to add some clarity to my days.

So plan for December is:
Walk 1 hour a day in sunlight. Does not need to be one hour straight, but in total. It is important to be out and see the sun. It gives me energy.
Add Vitamin D to my routine of food.
5 Times a week with different trainings than walks, should be easier now as gyms and pools can open from this Thursday.
30 min of working on skills, or self development 3-5 times a week. Every day I guess was a bit ambitious. 😀

So, Let December Commence!

I Hope One Day We Will Feel Happy

A friends told me this last week when we met, after a long time not seeing each other. I told him why, what and how I am changing my life. I told him I am pushing and working hard because I need to get somewhere in life.
I needed to start being the parent who sets up a plan for its child and then just work after it. I read that in Jordan Peterson’s book ” 12 Rules of Life”
Be someone you are responsible for helping. I needed to listen to the future me, not just satisfy the present me.
And I just want to put it straight.

Never ever have I felt as happy as I do now. And it hit me, listening to him, that maybe it does not seem so.
I know I force myself to keep moving. I push myself every single day. I do not feel like it every day, for sure not. I do skip things that the present Manka would want, as I know that the future Manka will be happier from it.
Treating myself like this, I have found out the the present me is changing too. That the destructive, immediate wants are not so interesting anymore.

I push myself every day but it makes me happy. I have never felt this good, mentally, ever. I know I write- on my Instagram -check it out- MankasLifeDiet about the struggles I have and that it is hard and that motivation might be missing sometimes.
But I feel happy in the struggle, and pushing myself, and feeling unmotivated and doing it anyway and feeling the feelings of hard. In struggles and hardship and how we overcome it, we grow.

I have quite some plans of what I will do in the future and where I am moving towards. It will be hard and I will do the same. Push myself, I will feel unmotivated, and ,probably, bored as well by it. But I truly believe I will feel as happy, if not happier, as now. – I will let you know if I do not 😉
|One day is already here for me.

Weight Loss Journey- Transform My Life

Here I am again. This is not my first rodeo. Neither with blogging nor weight losing. I do not know how many times I have been on a weight-loss journey, for sure more than one. This shall be the last though. I have also been on and of the blogging journey capturing different parts of life. Never done it together. I need an accountability coach, I cannot afford one so I have to become my own. This blog will be just that.

Transformation of My Weight loss Journey

I am Maria AKA Manka. I desperately need to transform my life. I have started 6 months ago, but I find it really hard to keep it going. It started in May with a normal idea of losing weight and not caring too much more about this journey. During these 6 months, have I the feeling that I am morphing into something new though. This is not the first attempt, but I truly want and need it to be the last. I need to change my life for the better. I need something new.  The strangest thing is that I do not feel I need to force this transformation but the change has happened slowly and organically during the course of the months. The interesting part is that I do not have the notion that this is only about weight but a whole new life that is emerging. It is quite exciting and also bit uncomfortable.

Goals for Weight loss Transformation

There are many things I need to change with myself and my goals are many. I desperately need to lose weight. I also need to change my life in regards to my finances. They stress me out which results in weight gain. I need to drastically change my life as my body is falling apart. My vitals are no good, with high everything you can have high. I have reduced blood pressure quite a lot, and I do give that to my weight loss. Shedding kilos has helped shedding pressure. I need a holistic and mindful weight loss. I need to incorporate all aspects and parts of my life. Not only tackle my amounting number of kilos as a separate part of this transformation. All aspects of life, which stress me, or bores me which results in weight gain need to be addressed. I will win this weight loss transformation! I need to get down to an overweight number, as I am technically obese at the moment with a BMI of 38. Starting weight from the very start was 116 Kilos. First Goal 90 kilos Eng Goal 70-80 Kilos

How Will I Do This Weight loss Plan?

I do not really know. I am no expert in this. I just know I need the change. Take control of my life and win this thing. Join me in the quest for happiness, stability, financial independence and everything else that is needed for a holistic and mindful weight loss, where all parts of the puzzle need to be in order for a sustainable change.