What Did I Do to Get Active – Active Weight loss

Christmas 2019 at my highest weight

Working out nor not working out-that is the question.
The idea in the past was that work out alone was the main activity that would get us slim. Now the winning thought can be found in the expression:

You Cannot Out Train a Bad Diet

I do not know which is correct. I do understand that working out and eating shit will not do a lot. I do think that dieting alone and no training will make it harder and I believe that exercise is a healthier way  and will keep the weight off in the long run.

In May last year, I started off my weight loss journey by working out. I had the feeling I needed a massive action and that I could wait no longer and had to start. I might have gotten more results when I  really worked on my diet, but for me, the mental part of getting out and working out is the key for me to keep consistent.
So with no further ado.

What Did I Implement to Start With

I started off with a personal trainer. For me it was absolutely crucial. I do not have tons of money, and especially last spring when we were in total lockdown and all my clients postponed all work. I needed the push to prepay someone for a month worth of sessions, for the next following 6 months, so I would go. If I had to pay, I knew I would do it. I could not afford to lose that money.
3 times a week for 1 hour each. These were gym classes and not so much more. Resistance and a little bit of cardio.
I had this idea, similar to my running experience, that I would be out and skating, jumping, free running, swimming, climbing trees, and just be in total zen with my body from the very get-go.
That was obviously not the case. I realized pretty fast that this would take some time. And yes it does. This is a long ride. I slowly started adding things.

What Have I Added After This?

I added mostly walks to begin with. I have a friend that introduced me to it. Geocaching. If you do not know what it is, read more about it here.  A fun treasure hunt around your town, city, country. This I started to do every single weekend. Out and walk and collect caches. I remember one of the first walks that were a bit longer than just the normal walk in the city. I logged 21000 steps and I was almost crying coming home. Head spun all walk and at some point, I did even think I would pass out. It was really scary and the notion that I needed to do something now now now grew even more urgent.
With this came my running in. I slowly started that too. You can read about it here.

As School was closed, well and still is, the was a need to bring in my child into the mix. Set a good example and teach her from an early age to work out.  I used to swim a lot in the past, and I went to swimming lessons, so I do have some understanding of it and we began to swim together.

Trying to include her even more and have her moving inspired me to get a set of skates as well. This has maybe been the scariest of them all. Falling with 110kilos is not such a pleasant idea, so I have been terrified of it. My daughter has really liked it though.

Hard Lockdown Workouts

In October did Prague to into a harder lockdown. Gym and swimming pools closed. I had the feeling I needed to up my game if I wanted to reap the benefits of working out. Both mentally and physically. Without my trainer did I feel quite lost. In hindsight was this may be the best. It pushed myself more than anything else. I did not want to lose the gains I had managed to win.
With nothing more than me, myself, and I did I look into more things.

  1. Skating continued for as long as the weather let it. Not magnific but at least something. We did geocaching as much as possible.
  2. We are fortunate that we have quite a few outdoor gyms here in Prague. I went once a week to one of them.
  3. I ran on a regular basis. Not long but 3 times a week. I also started to add in my own resistance training.
  4. My body and I had quite some dates in my courtyard. I bought myself a skipping rope and in the dead start, I could skip about 30 seconds in a row. I am up to way much higher times.
  5. After running I implemented yoga practice, once a week. I am really stiff and help with my flexibility is more than welcome.
  6. Basketball with the intention to add something more fun and playful for my daughter and that she learns a new sport. Ok me too, I had no idea how to play basketball
    My 2021 Plan I am not really sure what I will do. I know I will continue, and that I will continue doing them all. I have this feeling though, this year that I want to add more structure into my exercise. Have a clearer plan and goal with it. There is an urge to see improvements and have some tangible measurement. Learning about what the different practices do and how they are connected is surging. I know that I did a lot in 2020 and I introduced many things, and this year I want to develop them all and more. It is a newfound love and I do not want to let it go. I think I might need to take some course or learn from someone, a bit more. It is all so exciting!

My 2021 Plan

I am not really sure what I will do. I know I will continue, and that I will continue doing them all. I have this feeling though, this year that I want to add more structure into my exercise. Have a clearer plan and goal with it. There is an urge to see improvements and have some tangible measurement. Learning about what the different practices do and how they are connected is surging. I know that I did a lot in 2020 and I introduced many things, and this year I want to develop them all and more. It is a newfound love and I do not want to let it go. I think I might need to take some course or learn from someone, a bit more. It is all so exciting!

Intermittent Fasting As My Weight loss Strategy?

Intermittent fasting is an eating pattern where you cycle between periods of eating and fasting.
What does this really mean?

Well it can mean different things to different people, but in general it means this:

What does if actually mean? Basic information
  • 16:8 You have a 16 hours fasting window and you have a 8 hours eating window. Fasting essentially meaning that you do not consume any food. Some people also include drink anything else beyond water.
    A more simple way of putting it. You do not eat.
  • 18:6 Which is essentially the same as previous one, but with the difference of eating and fasting times. 18 hours non eating and 6 hours of mouth pleasure.
  • OMAD – One meal a day. Quite explanatory in it self. You basically have one meal.
  • 24 – You eat nothing for 24 hours.
    If you want to read more about it, as I am no way near a dietician or nutritionist. Please read here. I have read quite a lot here and I do really like it.
why would anyone torture oneself with this?

I did have this idea that it would be torture and too hard to do anything like this. Come on I have had 35 years of food dependency and used food as stress reliver. How would I be able to manage anything like this? Why would I want anything like this?
I did not read in the link above too much at that time, I did read this book which I found it in a city library booth.

Surprisingly at first, not so much when I started to think about it, IF(Short for Intermittent Fasting) has quite some health benefits they say. So what are just some of the benefits we can see eating after IF method.

  • For example, your body starts important cellular repair processes and changes hormone levels to make stored body fat more accessible.
  • Generally speaking, intermittent fasting will make you eat fewer meals. And truth to be told this is the reason I started to look into this. The only reason.
  • Intermittent fasting has been shown to have major benefits for insulin resistance and lead to an impressive reduction in blood sugar levels
  • Intermittent fasting has been shown to improve numerous different risk factors, including blood pressure, total and LDL cholesterol, blood triglycerides, inflammatory markers and blood sugar levels
    All these have I copied from
    HealthLine.

    These are just a few of the health benefits we can see with IF. As I wrote. Mine was only number 2. Nothing else. So I did start it. Thinking the fat would just shed off like snow in spring.
A new mindset forming

As I mentioned I started off IF with the mindset of losing weight. What a great way to lose weight. I did see it as some kind of magic pill. Just do not eat for 16 hours and the fat will just melt off. This is exactly what I believed. Melt of like snow in spring.
But like everyone knows, snow do not melt that fast as we want. It comes back and it is icy and mushy and just a big grey blob of smush.
This can sum up IF for me, for losing weight. Nothing melted off. I did not wake up one day and wohoo! 20kilos off! Not even close.
What I did though was pushing on almost every single day doing it anyhow. Let’s see this through, for once, was my mantra.
And you know what, something started to change.
After two weeks of headaches and fatigue something started to change. Not in the KG section but in the grey section. My brain.
Feelings of energy, amusement, clarity and possibility started to form. From sleeping quite poorly to sleeping really good. From being without energy to feeling full of energy. From brain fog to clarity. I started feeling that my runs went better, my recovery speeded up and the easiness of working out when my stomach was lower on intake, or empty. From feeling dependent on food and the mouth pleasure, I started to see it as a way of fueling myself. Something I have never ever thought about.

How does my if look like?

This is exactly how it looks like.
8AM– Coffee with milk to stave off a bit of hunger from the night.
12 AM- Lunch, which is normally a soup and a second plate. Quite often a small desert too. Had no photo from it though.
6 PM- Dinner- Plate of Yoghurt with fruit. Usually banana plus other fruits. Knackebrot or a piece of bread with ham and cheese. Tea with milk or Decaf coffee with milk.
6PM- 10PM – A cup of decaf coffee and tea or water.
And that is it.

So where am I know?

I have totally embraced IF. Not so much as a weight loss plan, as it initially started out. The KG are still not melting off. I go at a really slow pace. One still cannot eat too much to lose weight. Even if it is just in a 6 hour window. 6 hours window is not a magical number where you can have whatever you want and rest does not matter.
What I have started to feel though is that during these 6 hours, I have to make sure I fuel myself. I need the right thing to enter my body because I need the energy from it. This is an idea I never ever had before. I never thought of the idea of fuel myself. I just wanted to stuff myself.
Never have I ever felt good and done eating. I will not paint pink clouds and unicorns in the sky but I do have to say I am getting to the point I do not obsess about food.
My brain fog is just not there anymore and the amount of clarity I have is on such a different level. It is as if the brain has woken up after years of nothing.
So I will for sure continue with this. Not for weight loss but for life gain. For the future of myself.

Let Us Focus on NSV- Non Scale Victories

I am not going to lie. This morning when I did my weekly weigh-in I almost lost it. I had not lost anything. Nothing. Not a single gram. This is not the first time. I have had this 1 kilo up and down for 2 months now.
“But Manka, once you have lost, most of your weight. Weight loss slows down.”
I have not lost most of it yet. I have 20 kilos down so far, but even just to enter into non-overweight territory am I missing 10 kilos. So there are still quite some kilos to go.
Hence me almost breaking down in tears this morning. I feel I am doing so much, and no result is yielding. This is not starting to affect my well-being as I am really just thinking about this and nothing else. I need to change things up, so let’s focus on some NSV instead!

What is NSV?

NVS is an abbreviation for Non-Scale Victory. And it has been a term in the weight loss world for quite some time already. This is what we tell ourselves we should focus on, and not the scale, to see that health is not only what the scale says.

Nonscale victories, also known as NSVs, are health improvements that result from small life changes. They may go unnoticed if you’re only focused on the scale as a measure of your success. A bathroom scale shows a number — a snapshot of your weight at a given moment on a given day. – Healtline

I guess that it is correct to think like this. Health is so much more. I am able to do things now that I could not, not even when I was 10 kilos less than now. I have a really hard time though to actually be happy about these things, as I just do not want to be considered obese any longer. I am so over it.

 Here Comes My List! 

  1. I can fit in my bathtub as of now. We have a pretty normal-sized bathtub and I could actually not fit in it before. I could not stretch out properly as the tub gets narrower at the end. So that is a pretty nice feeling!
  2. I am able to run several kilometers, without feeling like I am about to die. Not only can I do it but I enjoy doing it. I love the feeling of rushing breath and how I can transport myself.
  3. The blouse I bought last September actually fits now.  It seems to be a reoccurring issue of mine. To know how big or small I actually am. You can read about it here.
    I bought a blouse, that did not fit me that well. Today I think it is a pretty nice fit.                               
  4. I bought a ring few years ago, and I have not been able to fit it. It is back on my finger now.
  5. I have gotten some new hobbies. Today I count working out as a hobby. It is imperative that I move on a daily basis, if not it makes me totally grumpy! As I am challenging myself to live differently from the past, time is being used differently than in the past. I value learning things and experience new things.

Moving Forward

I need to find a balance between these two measurements. I need to learn that these measurements are OK too and that everything is not in what the scale says. That it is OK to be standing still for to months. Learning to see it as a learning experience too. I am working on how to deal with maintenance. This is my end goal, so I should be happy I have found it.
The only problem I am not supposed to be there. I am working to lose weight, so if my losing weight strategy is actually a maintenance strategy, well then I am a bit off. 
Anywho. I will try to be happy about these victories and feel proud about them for now and not worry too much right now, about anything else.

What Did I Do to Get Active – Active Weight loss

Working out nor not working out-that is the question.
The idea in the past was that work out alone was the main activity that would get us slim. Now the winning thought can be found in the expression:

Christmas 2019 at my highest weight

Working out nor not working out-that is the question.
The idea in the past was that work out alone was the main activity that would get us slim. Now the winning thought can be found in the expression:

You Cannot Out Train a Bad Diet

I do not know which is correct. I do understand that working out and eating shit will not do a lot. I do think that dieting alone and no training will make it harder and I believe that exercise is a healthier way  and will keep the weight off in the long run.

In May last year, I started off my weight loss journey by working out. I had the feeling I needed a massive action and that I could wait no longer and had to start. I might have gotten more results when I  really worked on my diet, but for me, the mental part of getting out and working out is the key for me to keep consistent.
So with no further ado.

What Did I Implement to Start With

I started off with a personal trainer. For me it was absolutely crucial. I do not have tons of money, and especially last spring when we were in total lockdown and all my clients postponed all work. I needed the push to prepay someone for a month worth of sessions, for the next following 6 months, so I would go. If I had to pay, I knew I would do it. I could not afford to lose that money.
3 times a week for 1 hour each. These were gym classes and not so much more. Resistance and a little bit of cardio.
I had this idea, similar to my running experience, that I would be out and skating, jumping, free running, swimming, climbing trees, and just be in total zen with my body from the very get-go.
That was obviously not the case. I realized pretty fast that this would take some time. And yes it does. This is a long ride. I slowly started adding things.

What Have I Added After This?

I added mostly walks to begin with. I have a friend that introduced me to it. Geocaching. If you do not know what it is, read more about it here.  A fun treasure hunt around your town, city, country. This I started to do every single weekend. Out and walk and collect caches. I remember one of the first walks that were a bit longer than just the normal walk in the city. I logged 21000 steps and I was almost crying coming home. Head spun all walk and at some point, I did even think I would pass out. It was really scary and the notion that I needed to do something now now now grew even more urgent. With this came my running in. I slowly started that too. You can read about it here.

As School was closed, well and still is, the was a need to bring in my child into the mix. Set a good example and teach her from an early age to work out.  I used to swim a lot in the past, and I went to swimming lessons, so I do have some understanding of it and we began to swim together.

Trying to include her even more and have her moving inspired me to get a set of skates as well. This has maybe been the scariest of them all. Falling with 110kilos is not such a pleasant idea, so I have been terrified of it. My daughter has really liked it though.

Hard Lockdown Workouts

In October did Prague to into a harder lockdown. Gym and swimming pools closed. I had the feeling I needed to up my game if I wanted to reap the benefits of working out. Both mentally and physically. Without my trainer did I feel quite lost. In hindsight was this may be the best. It pushed myself more than anything else. I did not want to lose the gains I had managed to win.
With nothing more than me, myself, and I did I look into more things.

  1. Skating continued for as long as the weather let it. Not magnific but at least something. We did geocaching as much as possible.
  2. We are fortunate that we have quite a few outdoor gyms here in Prague. I went once a week to one of them.
  3. I ran on a regular basis. Not long but 3 times a week. I also started to add in my own resistance training.
  4. My body and I had quite some dates in my courtyard. I bought myself a skipping rope and in the dead start, I could skip about 30 seconds in a row. I am up to way much higher times.
  5. After running I implemented yoga practice, once a week. I am really stiff and help with my flexibility is more than welcome.
  6. Basketball with the intention to add something more fun and playful for my daughter and that she learns a new sport. Ok me too, I had no idea how to play basketball

My 2021 Plan

I am not really sure what I will do. I know I will continue, and that I will continue doing them all. I have this feeling though, this year that I want to add more structure into my exercise. Have a clearer plan and goal with it. There is an urge to see improvements and have some tangible measurement. Learning about what the different practices do and how they are connected is surging. I know that I did a lot in 2020 and I introduced many things, and this year I want to develop them all and more. It is a newfound love and I do not want to let it go. I think I might need to take some course or learn from someone, a bit more. It is all so exciting!

What I Do In a Day to Lose Weight

Photo by Total Shape on Pexels.com
  1. Eat a high protein breakfast. 
  2. Avoid sugary drinks and fruit juice. 
  3. Drink water before meals. 
  4. Choose weight-loss-friendly foods. 
  5. Eat soluble fiber. 
  6. Drink coffee or tea. 
  7. Base your diet on whole foods. 
  8. Eat slowly.

Does anyone recognize a list like this?
I got this from googling “top daily tip on how to lose weight”.
This is not the exception. This is the standard. Almost everywhere people give tips and tricks like these on how to lose weight.
And even if these tips are per say not bad I no longer want to abide them. I used to, just as so many before me but this time around it has to be for life and never again. I cannot mentally go through this again. 
I want and do things differently now because I truly believe that these tips above are only short-term mentality. At least they have been for me. I want and need long-term success. There cannot be any other option for me. This is like my shot of doing it right. I am exhausted already, and making it again, I do not know if I have it in me. 
Hence me really looking into a new way of doing weight loss. Sustainable, long term, mindful and holistic. 
This means, for me looking into all aspect of life. Weight loss is  much more than the amount of water you drink, or how much raw food you consume.
Weight loss is about strategies and a fulfilled life which give you balance and helps you to choice wisely. Weight loss is about being in peace with your mind and get proper coping skills to deal with the suffering of the world. 

What I Do In a Day to Lose Weight

1. Making my bed- I do it straight away when I get up.
This was advised to me years ago by a really dear friend. He told me this when I was in my deepest depression in Bolivia, when I just had gotten divorced. I did not do it then though but wish I had. It does something with me. I start the day of achieving something! If I have achieved one thing, I can do just about anything. If I start the day doing something, I want to keep the day in a positive way. 
And is there anything better than going to bed in a made one!

2. Reading books– Last year I was able to manage 12 books.
This year I want to push it a tad bit more and get 15 under my belt. Once you are in the read, time flies and there is no time to think about anything else. It enriches me and I feel as if I accomplished something again.  An extra plus is that I learn something or only to get entertained. Keeps my mind away from wandering off into the dark side. 

3. Working attentively during the day-I do not only work and nothing else.
But I tend to be quite focused on what I do. I also tend not to think about food while I am working. I am a scout and the scout lead word is to always do its best. Neither this have I truthfully done in the past. But to be immersed and really work your best gives me a real satisfaction and I feel proud over it.  Why make myself unproud of this proudness, doing something which is not beneficial for me, such as stuffing my face or skipping that run. 

4. Working on a new or old skill. I often eat when I am bored.
I do not have time to be bored if I work on some kind of improvement of myself. Again, if I do it properly and give it my all, I do not feel I have cheated something.  Neither am I  in the need to eat those feelings of shame that I have done nothing,  away. I work on my self esteem and to see that I can actually improve, and quite quickly once I have decided about it is such a boost I do not want to spoil it with any negative feeling. 


5. Being on top of my finances. A huge stress factor for me has been finances.
It has been a big reason why I overeat and overfill myself. I have gotten so stressed so I do not know what else to do, then to eat. Having my finances in order and creating a strategy on how to improve them further gives me a sense of relief and I stress less. 
6. Not meeting people. I of course mean people which I do not want to meet.
I am terrified of being left alone. Not being loved and to have no friends. Many times have I met people “because we have been friends for long time and I should”. I am working on not feeling terrified anymore. Everyone do not need to love me, nor me them. I have met with people I did not even like and this is no a healthy action.  Due to some twisted feeling of should. Or old memories and connections. I do no longer do this, or rather say I try not to do this,  and it is such a relief!
7. Working out and watching my diet. Here it came though.
The bit more normal tip. I do try to move and exercise every day. I have a goal of walking 10 000 steps just to know that I have been moving. Then I do quite a lot of other things. You can read more about my activity plan here. I also eat after intermittent fasting and I try to stay away from some foods sometimes. There are no bad foods though, just unhealthy amounts! 

Does It Work Not Focusing on Traditional Tips?

Truth to be told, I have not been moving one single gram the last 2.5 months. Nothing. It is extremely frustrating and more than once have I broken down in tears. Why oh why do I not shed the weight? This is what I have asked myself. Not even one single gram and I struggle immensely with this as of right now. Just today I wanted to stuff myself with something, nothing in particular just something, as I could feel the panic and resentment towards myself rising.
Why you idiot did you do this to yourself. You are a fucking idiot and loser. No one will ever love you as you are such a idiot and you will forever be shit.
On and on it goes.
But somewhere I am truly convinced that if I do not focus on losing weight, and I am focusing on creating a balance in life. I focus on making my bed. On removing toxicity in life, on being gentle with myself it will give the best result. It might take longer time but it will happen. If I really look at my eating habits, there are probably tweaks I can do. I probably do not do all the points above all the time resulting in me not feeling well about myself and either do not do as good work out, or eat something I should not. My mind resent myself sometimes, and by doing this we hang on to weight. I need to forgive and let go. If I work on loving myself and enjoying this journey it will result in something good.

Healing From Psychological Hunger

Photo by Henri Mathieu-Saint-Laurent on Pexels.com

I have been hungry as long as I can remember. I would eat, and almost immediately be hungry again. I would never think that the food on my plate was enough. Going for dinners was planned out so I went to the place not with best food but with biggest plate.
I constantly thought about what my next meal would be and look like.
I would be full, but feel hunger at the same time. Always wanted to eat something. Never feeling saturated.

It has for sure been one of my biggest struggles whenever I have wanted to lose weight. I have not been able to keep myself from not eating. The struggle has been too hard. I would go down to not eat almost anything and then one day have some of the forbidden food and I could not stop myself. I would just eat. Not overfilling myself on one occasion so I have no issues with binge eating. I would just start eating again and as my psychological hunger would be so great, once the forbidden foods were back in my diet, I would just eat them and eat them at whatever occasion. Never restricting a thing any longer.

I did not know that I wanted to fix this, as I did think of it as normal. I was a thought that slowly has been creeping up.
I knew that something needed to change this time around. I want this transformation to be long-lasting and not for a short fix.

What Psychological Hunger Is For Me

Physiological hunger is pretty straight forward. You do not eat for an extended period of time and your brain gets messages from the stomach in form of ghrelin that it needs new fuel.

So what does it really mean- psychological hunger- for me?

It meant for me, that I was constantly hungry or thought about food. Constantly
I would wake up and think about how much I wanted to eat for breakfast. Already before finishing breakfast, I would think about a snack I could have before lunch and lunch could not come fast enough.
The hours between each meal was long dragging time which could not go slower.
It meant thinking, and breathing food and hunger. What I would cook, and how I would enjoy eating it once it was cooked. I would never feel saturated and I could always have just a tad more. Just a tad more again please. And just a tad again.
I would need cup after cup of coffee in-between each meal to be able to manage until the next one.
It must have been impossible that these feeling were sent from the stomach with the transmitter ghrelin. As I was was full.
This is what I refer to as psychological hunger. Something which was not sitting right with my mind and kept me feeling a mental hunger.

What Transformed Me and My Eating Habits?

I started intermittent fasting around September of 2020. I would eat between 10 AM to 6 PM. I would need to sip cup after cup of coffee and tea in the morning and after 6 PM just to be able to continue on. Hunger would be ravenous and I still dreamed about food.
At one point it was even worse than before as now I was restricting the time, and I would stress eat, just because I knew that soon my eating window would close.
Slowly but surly something was happening though, not over night. Not in a week and not in a month.
I started to feel that the 10 AM bit of food was not making sense any-longer. Between 10 and 12 which is my lunch time I would be able to manage. I would not need to eat during these 2 hours.
Staving hunger away with a coffee would be enough. Soon not even that. The hunger was just not needed to be staved away as it was not even there.
So my new eating window would be from Noon to 7PM. And by time the most interesting thing happened. I was not counting the hours until I could have a meal.
Not needed to cook anymore really helped as well. Not needing to be around the aromas and tasting of the food.
The interesting thing is that I have had no restrictions. More than my eating window yes, but the amount or the type of food has been really giving. There has been no forbidden food nor ingredients which I would not eat.


Healing From Psychological Hunger and Coming to Terms With Food

I have been so sad the last month. I have felt like a failure and not knowing how to really move on. I have been working out, and in that department it has been great. I have become stronger, been able to run farther.
My weight stood still though. Not a gram in any direction. I was ready to throw in the towel and announce myself defeated.

Then it hit me.
I am no longer hungry. I no longer obsess about food nor think about it. I do not think what I want to cook and I do not plan what I will snack.

Of course I am hungry, but I do not feel the hunger as a never ending emotion. I wake up in the morning, not feeling like an endless pit or that I have to drink my coffee to be able to survive few hours before lunch.
I do not feel like all I want is night to come, so I no longer need this punishment of not eating food.
I feel fine. I eat. I feel full. I do not think about food, as I feel full.

It is a odd sensation honestly, as this obsession has been with me forever. If I did not eat, I thought about it. Planned it or cooked it.

For me I can clearly see few things that has truly helped me

  • Not cooking myself any-longer.
  • Intermittent fasting.
  • No restrictions in regards of food types
  • Practicing accountability as a part of my life, as it has reduced stress
  • Dealing with my emotions about everything- as it has reduced stress
  • Getting financial stabile- as it has reduced stress and I am in control of my life.

Moving Forward With Weight-loss

Realizing this. the other day left me feeling so much better. I have healed from a terrible condition and we cannot do all in one go. This process might be longer, but I think it is the right one and this only confirms it for me.
I feel I finally have a normal relation to food. I do not need to overeat, I have found that what I eat and how much I move can clearly keep me maintaining. I have somewhat found home.
And I have done it, without feeling like I deprive myself from anything. Amounts has just been naturally and I have stopped when I felt good.

I do want to still lose weight though. I know I have too much body for my frame. I can feel it in my hips and knees and lower back, that they are not happy.
My joint in my toes hurt and I do not think that having these extra 20 kilos is a plus in this equation.
So I will continue on this path, making some tweaks though. I will remove the afternoon cake and the extra 2 bread slices a day.
Being mindful of not eating it everyday, but just sometimes. Not removing completely but decreasing the frequency of it.
Pizza and pasta sometimes, and maybe not all of it every week.
I feel so much in peace with this now, as I know it is nothing painful I need to do. I have already found peace with my food.
Being more mindful about the nutritional value I put into myself does not feel like a chore right now, if feels like a treat.

Quarter Review of My Weight loss and Life Transformation

3 Moths has come and gone already. 2021 is shooting forward, and time could not be flying slower and faster at the same time.
So many things I want to do and there is no time for it, yet as there is nothing open the time runs extremely slow.
An oxymoron I know.
As you can see, that looking at my weight and body I have not changed for the positive. But it is OK,
I love to look in the rearview mirror and evaluate my life.
If we do not look back at what has been, reflect and ponder upon what was, we cannot move forward.
Or as you would refer to it in Agile and Scrum, to hold a retrospective.
What to ask oneself in a retrospective is:

  • What went well in the Sprint?
  • What went wrong in the Sprint?
  • What We had Learn in the Sprint?
  • What should we do differently in the next sprint?

Why on earth am I speaking about Agile and Sprints, well funny fact I am a certified Scrum Master, hence the reference.
I do think that they are really good questions and if we want to succeed in life we have to ask these things.
My Sprint refers to the 3 first months in 2021.

What Went Well In My Weight Loss and Life Transformation?

Due to the lockdown we went into in October, being harder than what we experienced April through July, I had to quite my PT.
I was really scared going into new year, with keeping my consistency in working out. I know working out is not that much related to weight loss, but I want to transform life and keep a healthier life.
What I am really proud about is that I have kept the consistency and I went running 3 times a week on average and 2 times of homework outs.

I started journaling and list making and it has been imperative for me. It has structured down and visualized the issues I am dealing with. Seeing it on paper has been great for me.
In conjunction to this I have made a list to do of the day, and it really has kept me pushing myself forward. So many things were finally taken care of and I have felt that I was not stagnated in one spot.

Writing down my feelings and reactions to things, really have made me realized what I want and directing my life towards that life. Not just saying it, but actually working towards it. Being more intentional with my feelings and writing them down, has helped me healing in my eating disorder.

The plan in finding a hobby has been quite successful and I have been drawing, practicing my handwriting, and working on my math skills has all been so awarding. These are all things I want to put more time into.
It feels like my life took a big leap these three months.

What Went Wrong in My Weight loss and Life Transformation?

Nothing everything went perfect.
Has no one honest ever said.

My eating habits went a bit off these three months. I did give myself a bit more free room than I actually needed.
It has been great, tp start healing from my unhealthy eating habits but in doing so I gave myself a little bit too much wiggle room for eating things which is not beneficial for me.
It is good to let yourself rest a bit, but I should still keep my eyes on the ball and not feel like I have crossed the finished line. I still have 15 kilos which is considered over weight. I understand that scale is not all. But You can see in the photos that I am in no mean average weight still.

I could for sure have added more daily activity into my life. There has been cold and dark and March is hell month for me.
Come on winter, go away already! The panic I feel every single year.
Will winter ever end? Will spring and warmer weather come? Maybe this is the year when eternal winter will prevail.
This breaks me down and keeps me paralyzed. Keeping myself active is really helpful for me, dealing with this. And I have not done that. I have not done all the walk I should have done, just to keep myself not just sitting. As sitting makes me feel this hell, which March is.

Consistency in general has been a weak point, except me working out. It has been hard trying to keep the schedule I wanted to do. It seemed I forgot I have a kid that wants to see me, and me who want to see her too.
I think that I did a lot of work, feeling exhausted afterwards, feeling I needed to get out from home, being alone was all I could deal with. So that was really not positive at all.

What Have I Learned in My Weight Loss and Life Transformation?

I have learned, OK not learned but I have realized what are my goals. What do I really want out of life.
This is amazing! Journaling and working with myself and learning how to deal with feelings has cleared my head and I am realizing what I want.
I am seeing what is standing in my way, and I am learning not to be apologetic for it.
I have not always put myself nor my small family first, and this is absolutely shit. I have let people pressure me into doing things, which has not been beneficial for me nor my kid. I have done this, as I am so scared of being left alone and done anything just for people to like me.
I started this change already last year, but these last 3 months has been really great for this.
I will no longer be pushed into something I do not think is beneficial for me or my daughter. I have several goals and only to stay on track will they come true, and if someone can not deal with my change, I cannot do anything about it.
I am finding my voice again and it is amazing.

I am so capable of doing so much.
I have survived moves from country to country. Continent to continent. Divorce, poverty, lonelytude, depression, alienation, singlehood, parenthood, obesity, mental illness, death.
My adversity is my strength. If I can manage to drag myself up from all, anyone can. And I want to right there helping doing just that.
I have gone though this fairly alone but I have had some amazing support as well of course. I want to be that sort of support.

Searching for hobbies and interest has opened the door to a world that I feel has been lost for such a long time. I am interested in so many things again. I am so much more than what I have let myself be, for long time.


What Should I Do Differently These Following 3 Months in My Weight loss and Transformation?

To keep my good habits, which I felt were sliding a bit. I know they are really positive for me.
I have gotten a trainer, so I can work on some fitness goals I have had in mind and I need help hitting.
I need to do positive affirmations to keep myself on track for a transformed life.
I want to voice my voice more. If I do not feel something is positive for me, I need to do something about it.
Pragmatism. That is my lead word. I know it can be tough on friends and family, but I have just one life.
I want it to be awesome the rest I have.
It will happen with progression, not perfection.

Photo by Gabby K on Pexels.com