I have written about my start in improving my financial situation. You can read about it here.
However it was not an easy and straightforward transformation to actually care about my financial life, my budget, tracking it and actually sticking to it.
It took me a long time to see the value in it and see how it is holistically connected with other parts of my life.
I felt it did not matter to budget, track or save. Every cent I had was needed somewhere. The money I got was the exact amount that I needed to cover my life.
Budgeting and tracking made no sense, so why do it?
It would make sense though, once I started to earn more money. If I would have 1000 more that would do it. Then I could save.
Oddly enough, even when I got that 1000 extra it did not help. I found something I needed to spend that on so 1000 was not enough to save. But probably 5000 would be enough. If I would have 5000 more, I would for sure be able to save. It was never enough.
So I had to look for more students to teach, more translations to do, and just more ways how to get those extra 5000 which I needed which left me working 12+ hours a day, as the rule and not an exception. Thinking back at it, I feel sad about it and how little time with my daughter I had. Spending it working and working. Each hour I increase, my stress and anxiety also increased. Never having time to fully recharge. I could not see how it was all hanging together. How one part of life, influences the other.
Only thing I was wondering was how come did I never have any money? I had those 5000 extra but I felt that I had less money than ever.
Never Having Enough Money- Lifestyle Inflation
Many live their life like this. First time it hit me was when a friend of mine had her credit card declined. I could not understand it as I knew that her salary was in the 6 figures.
How could she have no money?
How I Started to Say No and the Path to Financial Stability
This was exactly what also I did.
I had a decent salary but still a deep pit in my belly every time I needed to buy groceries.
Would there be enough money in my bank account?
I very often felt that it did not matter how much money I received as it all only disappeared. How was I still struggling paying rent when I had more money coming in than in the past? It was obviously a rigged game and I was the loser. This was my excuse. I did not want to look myself in the mirror and see what I did wrong.
What made it change I do not really know. Somewhere the transformation towards a healthier mindset commenced.
Maybe had I had the feeling of being sick and tired of too long? A life revolved around anxiety and stress and pushing it away with, mostly, food.
The humiliation, stress, worry, and sickening feelings had grown enough big. Something just had to change.
I started to finally say no.